as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Randomize
