I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize