I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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