what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Randomize
