Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I just googled if crying burns calories
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob