thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
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