We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
