So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
