God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
The uberlube is also flammable
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
