she's into porn, im staying here tonight
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
