I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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