he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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