pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
oh god the rape fog is back!
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
