Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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