Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
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