i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
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