There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Enjoy the penises
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
