Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
