I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Randomize
