Where did you get a picture of my penis
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
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If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
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I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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