I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Just pee around me
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
