even my farts smell like vagina
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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