wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
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