I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
