how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
