the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
