She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
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She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
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I got inside last night via doggy door
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
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