Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
