haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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