If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
