i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
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