Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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