***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
