Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
