your thong is hanging out like whoa
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I think my moral compass just broke
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