shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
The beer is more important than you right now.
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if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
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I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize