my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
