i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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