So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
