I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
