Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
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Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
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