Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
