dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
