Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
