i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Randomize
