he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
