Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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