I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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