I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
