and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
