paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
