I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
