my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
