Screwed.edu
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
