If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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