I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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