If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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