a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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