dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
