I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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