so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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